My oldest son told me the other day that his brother tried to commit suicide. For anyone that knows me, I work with Zac, my oldest son. My youngest, Jake, lives with his mother by his choice. There is no love lose between brothers and none between Robin and I. I continue to impress upon Zac that love for his brother will come but just give it time.
After last week I don't know if he has that time. Jake is to young for this. He has no beliefs and no realities. I taught him the right way when he was here but he is not here anymore. I can't hold my baby and love him and tell him everything will be alright.
I never wanted my boy to get lost in this maddening world. He was suppose to be my little lover. The one that carries hope in his heart and love in his smile but he lost that. I still have no idea why because I can't get in contact with him but that is no surprise.
Every day I hold a special prayer for him in my heart. I don't want him to get lost in this world and forget that people love him, no matter what he is in life. Just to have him in life makes another day worth living. I know he knows of my trials, kinda, but I don't want him to have the same life.
I did at one point decide that life was no longer worth living. After my divorce I lost it for a year. In the first few months I lost everything. I lost my wife and married life. I lost my kids not just moving but the law told me to stay away. (They were nice because I knew them). I lost friends and a reason for living. I had nothing and every motion I made was for someone else. This was no longer life. I had no hope, no faith, no love and no trust. Life as I knew it was lost and forgotten and so was I.
I love Jake and I know his pain bu I pray he will talk to me before he takes the other path. Okay, let me just say this. Alcoholics have a choice, suicide leads down a lone path alone.
