The sun gives warmth to the day as you give warmth to me. I live and breath because life flows and the winds change. Every season touches the soul in the same way God touched the Earth and opens the womb of the Earth. So many children and more to come. One large family and we are never forgotten as long as we are known.

I bridge the gap to remember what love was and where it is now. I look into her eyes and I know I will never lose her. She is not a woman but an angel that lives deep in my soul that allows me to love. It has never been about the person but the spirit within that brings two people together. Each longing for an answer and waiting for the other. Time is not kind but rewarding if you answer the call and go forth to greet it.

If you sit one the side of the road waiting for the parade of life that means you are not in it. You may not be the best at that time but if you wait for it to happen to you all you are going to see is the crap that was left behind. Life really isn't that hard if you live by the code. LEARN, LIVE, TEACH. It really is that simple.

As for those of you that learned the wrong way there is lesson 2B. To be what you feel in your heart is right, then go to step 3. People like me, we go to 2C. A life class that when we went to step three and made mistakes we needed this lesson again. We find that it is a harsh lesson in life. We then need to go forward and change the ones we love from learning from our failures. Hard lesson to learn all the way around.

No one is perfect but perfecting one's self is life.

I don't think that there is a person here that LIKES to admit they are a little off but we all are. I want to show you through song what I mean about me today. I have three sides picked out today: Sadness, Serious me and Relaxed. You may have seen the videos but please think about the person as you watch.

The first is Sad me. You might find this one surprising but not if you think you know the life of a wanting sad person that is filled with abuse...



Do You understand? The second emotion is Serious me; a life filled with hope and lost love...



I know that isn't the Cuddle you know but wait, you forgot Relaxed. I do have my relaxed moments and remember I am all three, this far at least. So please think of me and know what Scott is like on a good day.



I wish it was just me but I have seen three generations and four people live like this. We love, We hate, We cry... but mostly we love.

I was eight when I realized that the beautiful Korean girl was my father's lover. I was nine before I knew I had another brother or sister. I was six when I stopped caring. I was eleven when I stopped loving and two years later I just wanted to stop living.

Does anyone realize that "love" and "hate" have four letters??? Neither one is any bigger or smaller than the other. If you think about life you might just see that the sun does shine and Heaven abounds. Little kids giggle and old people cry and it is all beautiful. I guess somewhere in the middle we forget to feel. Love is lost and not regained until we look through aged eyes and ask why did so much of life have to pass without us?

I don't want to look over my shoulder and realize I wished my life away. I want to hold on to a love, pull her in close and breathe. For once in my life I just want to breathe.

I still wonder why I lost my childhood to a man that never learned to love. I cherished you and when you came home I was no better than the dirt on the welcome mat. I loved what you were doing and you hated me! Why! I have given you more love in the first five years of my life then you have given me in the forty-one years that I wished I was gone... because of you.

Because of you I no longer look over my shoulder because I don't care. Because of you I learned to hold back when I wanted to go forward. Because of you I don't even trust myself. Because of you heartache allows me to live and misery is my friend. Because of you I am ashamed of my life. You knew I was a wild child but you took that, beat it and stuffed it in a box and it was all because of you. Because of you I am afraid. Life is not worth living BECAUSE OF YOU!

I manage to live my days because of you. Because I love my boys and would do anything for them. Even though life is hard I am stronger and I will be the man it takes to carry on. I will never leave the ones I love. Because of you I will be a man...

My son wishes that I never existed, and I wish the same to my father and him on his father before him. Each one of us felt pain in our hearts even though we never felt it on our bodies. Well okay. Dad and I did but I stopped that chain. No more abuse but we feel something else or nothing at all at times.

Because of me, my son hides his true feelings, I never wanted that. Because of me, his emotions are hidden. Because of me I broke his heart and he only wanted a father. No different than what I wanted and my father wanted.

I hate drinking and so did my dad. I have raised Zac on the fact of addiction but that does not seem to be stopping him.

My heart and mind wonders how I got here and why.... why did he follow me here? If you take this song and put it to a son and father you might just begin to get it. Throughout our generations we have never stopped. We love hard and large and we try to forget how much it hurts.

In each generation we believe that we are going to be different. We see what we feel and try to change it but life holds us close and takes us in and soon we fall and make excuses. Where does the grip of faith let go and faith take hold?

All I ever wanted was a hug but you left me alone. I stood there crying and you told me to be a man. I was six DAMMIT! You were selfish and I pray I never did that to my boys. You gave so much love to my sisters and left me out on the curb. There was something always missing and it was you.

I hope my boys don't feel this way but at times I hate to love you.