So I've lost it for the last time. Tomorrow I get to march myself into work and let the man I have come to know as friend save me from myself. I don't know how I fell this far but I finally cried out. I NEED TO BE RESCUED!

I don't know if that is the right way to say it. I don't need rescued, I need help. I can't keep doing this to me. I know I have issues but they are not special or unique. Everyone has issues. Sure I have health problems but I have seen some amazing people right here survive some tremendous odds.

When I put my pride aside and look at the man I have become it saddens me. I don't want my friend to cry when she sees me destroy my hope. I see the pain in her eyes as she watches the pounds drop from my already slender frame.

I guess my problem throughout my life is that I loved so deeply and never once saw it in return. I still see that man sitting blindly in a dark corner of the house, grasping his bottle and wondering why. Why can't I feel the love that I gave so openly? Than again, was I the selfish one?

Here in the near future we will all find out that answer. As of last night I am not allowed to go back; there is nothing left back there. I hope Annie was right about the sun because I am going to need a little help this time.