I thought this time would be different but today it feels the same. No thought or question about how I feel about the situation; a jump track and run like hell was again the maneuver. Kitten left me almost two years ago and it shattered my world and now again I lost love. I know I have Lily but that is a different kind of love all together.
Maybe it would be better if I just stayed to myself. No more hopes of losing another love. No more reaching out when they need you; forgetting that you have needs. Maybe it's better that one goes it alone so that others can be happy.
My mother taught me it is better to love and lose; my father taught me it is best to be alone and except it. I am tending to believe in my father. I know I don't show it all that well but I am a loving soul. I come off as a bad ass but I am a loving and caring person. My mother knows my heart and would thrash me for even thinking about not nurturing love and new hope. She also knows when it is time to give up.
I picked this version of the song because that is what life sounds like in my mind, I love it and hate it at the same time. I know what everyone wants and I do my best to give it to them. They begin to see my madness and think I am crazy but it was them that bought me here. I followed their leads and yet I found them behind me.
So now I shake them off, tell them to figure it out on their own and push off. I love them but enough is enough and I need time to go away from that man.
by Cuddle40 (PM , CC ) on Friday December 14, 2007 @ 11:25 AM
Sometimes you find what you are looking for, when you stop looking for it and just let it find you. There is nothing wrong with being ok with being alone. Sometimes you find that you are a pretty cool person to hang out with. Carry a little piece of rose quartz in your pocket or for Desari, she should have amythist for they both draw love to you, the purple one will attract the best man for you, the one who truely loves you with all his heart.
by Moonsilver (PM , CC ) on Friday December 14, 2007 @ 1:27 PM
I think at least Desari knows that I am a man.?! I am not looking for a good man or a good woman for that matter. I'm not looking! I give up. However I am a man and if I were looking, it would be for a woman.
by Cuddle40 (PM , CC ) on Friday December 14, 2007 @ 1:50 PM
I'm sorry if I offended you, Cuddle. I know you are a man, more than that you are a man with a broken heart. All I was saying is after so many years of looking for the man that was the one for me, I just gave up and stopped looking. Sometimes you will find what you are looking for about the time you stop looking for it or soon after. But you just have to hang in there if you want to be there to enjoy the good things that are going to happen in your life. If you need it, you will have it, have faith in it, it will happen. I raised my two sons for 13 years with the faith that if we needed anything, we would have it. Granted there were times when somethings we wanted we didn't get but whatever we needed, we got. My wish for you Cuddle40, this Christmas, is for you and those you love the most to have a very happy Christmas, that at least one of your most cherished Christmas wishes will come true this year.
by Moonsilver (PM , CC ) on Sunday December 16, 2007 @ 5:33 AM
Good morning Moonsilver. You did not offend me; I got use to being assumed a woman because of the name and felt a need to clarify. Okay, I guess that day I was being a little defensive sorry. I reread and know now that the man comment was not directed at me.
I get in a mood and wonder at times if life would have been better if I just remarried fast like so many do. I, like you, raised two boys for the same amount of time on my own. I wanted to be there for my boys without them wondering when the next "mommy" would come along. I thought that after they had grown up I could find a woman and life could be shared again. The older I got the more I realized this would not be an easy thing to do. Unfortunately I was right and it is proving to be more than the challenge I was up for at this time.
Before this turns into a full blown blog instead of a comment I will close. Thank you for the Christmas wish. I got my Christmas gift on Thanksgiving. My granddaughter, Lilian, was born. She is my saving grace these days.
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I get in a mood and wonder at times if life would have been better if I just remarried fast like so many do. I, like you, raised two boys for the same amount of time on my own. I wanted to be there for my boys without them wondering when the next "mommy" would come along. I thought that after they had grown up I could find a woman and life could be shared again. The older I got the more I realized this would not be an easy thing to do. Unfortunately I was right and it is proving to be more than the challenge I was up for at this time.
Before this turns into a full blown blog instead of a comment I will close. Thank you for the Christmas wish. I got my Christmas gift on Thanksgiving. My granddaughter, Lilian, was born. She is my saving grace these days.